March 18, 2016

How did you manage to love me for so long? How did you forgive me from the fucked up thing I did to you? You do really love me, huh? But I guess you’ve reached your breaking point and made up your mind. You decided to finally give up on me. But it’s okay, I fucked up and i get that. But you said something that really got to me. You said that you were scared to date me. That I was too suicidal for you to date me. That my self mutilation was too much for you. I got you too stressed out that you couldn’t even worry about yourself. You only worried about me, you didn’t want me to kill myself. But after what you said, I’ve gotten worse in my opinion. You were the only person that could keep me happy for a long period of time. And you’re pretty much gone now. We still talk but is it really the same anymore? Us being friends is not okay in my opinion but I can’t always get what I want, can I? If I have to be stuck being your friend to talk to you everyday, I guess I have to just man up and deal with it. I can’t lose you for good. If I lose you forever, I honestly wouldn’t know what to do. I still don’t get how you’re still staying by my side. You still care for me as I can see. You can’t let me go, and neither can I. But, you can never gain my trust back. I’ve crossed the line and I honestly wish I can go back and fix that one damn mistake I made. But, I can’t. It’s forever gonna fuck me over. And i’ll never be able to be yours again. That fucking breaks my heart just typing it. I love you so much. I’m always happy when you’re around me. I can never be mad at you for a long time.

June 14, 2017

You don’t care about me anymore. You let me go, but I still can’t let you go. You still can never gain my trust back. I can’t fix that one damn mistake that I made. I’ll never be able to be yours again. Typing this still breaks my heart. I love you so much. I used to be happy when you’re around me. I will always be mad at you for as long as I live.

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